No Veggies!

As part of praying about a position at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, where John Ortberg is the lead pastor, the three of us were watching John's series on Love Languages. One night as we were eating dinner, our 10 year old daughter was attempting to create her own custom diet plan that that did not happen to include vegetables. My wife, being the healthy nurse in the family, saw a need to correct her assumptions about diet by using consequence not entirely related to the subject of food. She stated the following to our daughter, "If you don't eat your vegetables you won't get to watch John Ortberg." I'm still laughing about this. That may be the first time in history a child was threatened with not being able to watch a sermon for not eating their veggies.
It is awesome to know that we don't have to be perfect. That God loves us for who we are, as we are, right now. Instead God just wants us to grow and learn. To trust not only in our own understanding but in a loving Father in Heaven. Jesus was perfect, so we don't have to be, and is here to show the way.
In the process it does not hurt to laugh a little at ourselves. I'm sure God gets a good chuckle out of me on a regular basis.

I wonder what Mary had to do to get Jesus to eat his vegetables? No more miracles until you eat your peas?

Hold fast against the tide of fear

The fears of this world want to overcome us. They persist and can be as powerful as a mighty ocean wave endlessly crashing into the rocks.

Jesus offers to us the ability to overcome the fears: we just need to hold fast, and stay on the trail before us. Then the roaring waves ears turn to peace.

Photo: Kirk Bleavins

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.  And do everything with love.

New Year reflection

It has been a long time since I updated my blog. I received encouragement fro my Christmas letter, hat I thought I'd try to pick up writing again. So let me start with a clip from my letter...

2014, what a year. I believe it takes the record for being the most challenging year ever. It was not that we were floating in a life raft for over a month, only to be beaten in a POW camp (reference the recent movie “Unbroken”). Still I would say we have had our own share of adventures. That being said, it was a good year, for we have loved, and we have been loved. We have grown, and we have learned much. God is faithful. I have not done a year-end letter in a while, and I think my writing is out of practice so...here goes...

Yes, we have suffered a great loss, and expect the pain to continue for a long time. Yet it does not control us, and in fact, it helps grow us. We are different people than we were a few years ago. Amazing, despite our unwillingness, growth happens. We have been given the gift of knowing more of what real love is like: how much God loves us, how much He has sacrificed for us, and how He desires a relationship with His creation. Vanda is no longer living with us and wants nothing to do with us. She left us after she turned 18 this past summer. It is hard looking at all the pictures we have of her and remembering all we have done with her over the last five years. We pray regularly that one day she will know and understand the love God has for her, and the love of a family. Our heart is with her, yet we have to let her go...Love does not insist on its own way, one of the many lessons we have been taught...

I've recently found some of the writings of Dallas Willard through another of my favorite authors, John Ortberg. In the book Love Beyond Reason, he says, “With this magnificent God positioned among us, Jesus bring us the assurance that our universe is a perfectly safe place to be.” It does not mean there is no pain, it just means we have a God that will help us through it. While I admit, I would rather avoid the pain and trouble, it can, and will be, made good.

We are blessed with living close to our wonderful families and also blessed to live in a great neighborhood. Some amazing people live here, yet we don’t spend as much time as we’d like with them. We are hoping to play more this year.

Let not your hearts get cold,

and may the love of the Trinity surround you,

and fill you with wonderful Joy!

First Hug

I know it has been a long while, over a year since last posting. I have been keeping a small journal, and hope to post more. I'm still recovering from the last few years. When entering the following journal entry I thought I might as well post it here. As I often say, thus has been a journey of learning what love is, and what love is not.

Love is patience, ....

Today I received a hug from our adopted teenage daughter. 

When she first came here, (almost 2 years ago) she never hugged anyone. My wife, the hug professional, has helped Vanda to hug and be hugged. Well, today, this morning, I got Vanda to grant me a small hug.

Yesterday, at her school, I observed her giving hugs to her male friend  (yes, shes attracted to him) and other girl friends, as they were going off to class. That afternoon I was talking with her, and asked her why she was able to give hugs to him, but not to me. She responded by saying that she always gives hugs to people when they offer one. (I think, she was trying to minimize the hug with him as we have cautioned her about male relationships.) So I said, "you always give hugs when offered?" She said yes. Later that night I reminded her again, and I could tell she was hesitant to the idea.

So this morning, as she was leaving, she gave her normal hug to Mom, and I saw my chance. I went to her, and asked where my hug was. She said that I needed to offer a hug first. I responded by saying that I have been offering hugs for two years. So I reached out gently putting my arms around her, and hugged her. At first she just stood there, so I moved her arms to wrap around me, and said, "that's a hug." We celebrate successes, no matter how small.

In another area of growth, we have been coaching her on expanding her friends, and reaching out to others.  I offered that if she needed help, she can text or call me. Later that afternoon, We have the following texting dialog:

Vanda: I had lunch with Julie* today ... And it was kinda akward...cazz she was doing hw and I tried to talk to her..

Vanda: I set with her for almous whole lunch, and she never asked me anything, it was me who was talking the most... I can't have a good lunch with her...so I walked for the rest 10 min around school... Them I found Susan*, so I was talking to her for a while, and she gave me a capcake!!! And then I went sai hi to Cheryl*  and everyone... But my lunch could be better...

Me: You are so good to let me know. It takes a strong person to do what is hard. I was reminded this week by pastor Roland that we should never get tired of doing what is good. Know that Julie* struggles with making friends too. 

Me: After school, let Julie* know that you are wanting to have some fun with her this afternoon and that she is important. Then get out the slime and sneeze on her :-)

Vanda: Hehehe ok ill try!!!! 

It is so hard making friends as a 16 year old!  I'm thankful for the hug, but also that she reached out to me with her struggles. Progress is good, and slow is okay. 

Such is the Love God grants to us. His love is very patient, and much more.

* The names are not the actual names.

Parenting is not for wimps. Neither is adoption.

Wow! What a ride. 

      On June 25^th we celebrated knowing Vanda for one year. To celebrate we went to Vanda’s favorite restaurant, Cici’s Pizza. She had been looking forward to going… Too bad, she was withdrawn and closed the entire time we were there. That is but a brief snapshot of the roller coaster ride of emotions we have been experiencing. Fortunately, we have great friends, and a loving God who provides us wisdom along the path.

      As anyone knows, communication with a teenager is tricky business; it is the same for us, except we have little or no foundation for our relationship. This foundation is a work in progress, and we have much ground to cover. It’s kind of like building a car while driving down the road. Talk about a thrill ride! Woah! Look out for that tree! (Flashback to George of the Jungle). For months, the only time Vanda would look at u was when she wanted something. So we made those times teaching moments. She would ask, “Can I do Facebook?” It is then that I could talk to her about some issue or attitude. All other times she would shut us out. If we dared to say “no” to one of her requests, she would likely spiral into anger and we would then have to wait out the silent storm. In between these challenges, there have been bursts of giggles and playfulness. Vanda has a great sense of humor; it is a medium that we can use to communicate with her… if we only remember to play ourselves.

      Vanda is an accomplished artist. We wanted to find a way to help her develop her gift, and we found this great studio for her called Le Studio. The teacher is from France by way of Lebanon, is very talented, and sees and encourages Vanda’s gift for art. She has just started her first oil painting. I have started an online artwork album; feel free to check it out. Vanda's Artwork

      There have been many new addition to Vanda's life since joining our family. Two of the additions are rats. Yes, real live, can't-believe-Beth-let-them-in-the-house rats. She does good at taking care of them and we hope it helps her feel more apart of our family and appreciate the value in family.

      Vanda really wanted to earn some money. Perhaps she heard of this crazy place, called the land of opportunity. She has been washing and cleaning cars, mowing yards, and walking dogs. Like most things she does, she works hard and wants to make everything “beautiful.” Beautiful is one of her favorite words. If you can drop off your car, two hours later she will have it looking like new inside and out.

      Now for the most amazing part of our story. I’m not sure I can accurately describe the amazing change we have witnessed. It has to be the power of prayer. Until just recently, Vanda would rarely look at us (only when she wanted something), and would recoil as the slightest touch. At night, she would literally hide under the sheets when we came to say prayers with her. Everyone knows that Beth is addicted to hugs, and she hugs everybody. Not being able to hug Vanda has been very hard for us, but especially for Beth. With an amazing amount of gentleness, play, and patience, Beth has taught Vanda how not only to receive hugs, but also to give them. After months of rejection, Vanda is looking deep into Beth’s eyes, embracing her, and connecting to Beth. Vanda will even give me a hug, but only at prayer time and only after making sure Beth get the bigger hugs.  That is ok, this journey has just begun, and we are on the right path.

      We leave in a few weeks for our third trip to Latvia. We really don’t know what to expect but are sure we will witness God’s hand in it. It may be difficult for Vanda and we do not know the next time she will be able to return to her place of birth, the places and people she has been a part of for 14 years. Your prayers are appreciated.

      Each week we can see how God is teaching not only Vanda but us as well, what a family is and more importantly, love. Love is truly the greatest gift God has given us, and we all have much to learn about it.

Adopted into God’s family,

Kirk