New Year reflection

It has been a long time since I updated my blog. I received encouragement fro my Christmas letter, hat I thought I'd try to pick up writing again. So let me start with a clip from my letter...

2014, what a year. I believe it takes the record for being the most challenging year ever. It was not that we were floating in a life raft for over a month, only to be beaten in a POW camp (reference the recent movie “Unbroken”). Still I would say we have had our own share of adventures. That being said, it was a good year, for we have loved, and we have been loved. We have grown, and we have learned much. God is faithful. I have not done a year-end letter in a while, and I think my writing is out of practice so...here goes...

Yes, we have suffered a great loss, and expect the pain to continue for a long time. Yet it does not control us, and in fact, it helps grow us. We are different people than we were a few years ago. Amazing, despite our unwillingness, growth happens. We have been given the gift of knowing more of what real love is like: how much God loves us, how much He has sacrificed for us, and how He desires a relationship with His creation. Vanda is no longer living with us and wants nothing to do with us. She left us after she turned 18 this past summer. It is hard looking at all the pictures we have of her and remembering all we have done with her over the last five years. We pray regularly that one day she will know and understand the love God has for her, and the love of a family. Our heart is with her, yet we have to let her go...Love does not insist on its own way, one of the many lessons we have been taught...

I've recently found some of the writings of Dallas Willard through another of my favorite authors, John Ortberg. In the book Love Beyond Reason, he says, “With this magnificent God positioned among us, Jesus bring us the assurance that our universe is a perfectly safe place to be.” It does not mean there is no pain, it just means we have a God that will help us through it. While I admit, I would rather avoid the pain and trouble, it can, and will be, made good.

We are blessed with living close to our wonderful families and also blessed to live in a great neighborhood. Some amazing people live here, yet we don’t spend as much time as we’d like with them. We are hoping to play more this year.

Let not your hearts get cold,

and may the love of the Trinity surround you,

and fill you with wonderful Joy!

First Hug

I know it has been a long while, over a year since last posting. I have been keeping a small journal, and hope to post more. I'm still recovering from the last few years. When entering the following journal entry I thought I might as well post it here. As I often say, thus has been a journey of learning what love is, and what love is not.

Love is patience, ....

Today I received a hug from our adopted teenage daughter. 

When she first came here, (almost 2 years ago) she never hugged anyone. My wife, the hug professional, has helped Vanda to hug and be hugged. Well, today, this morning, I got Vanda to grant me a small hug.

Yesterday, at her school, I observed her giving hugs to her male friend  (yes, shes attracted to him) and other girl friends, as they were going off to class. That afternoon I was talking with her, and asked her why she was able to give hugs to him, but not to me. She responded by saying that she always gives hugs to people when they offer one. (I think, she was trying to minimize the hug with him as we have cautioned her about male relationships.) So I said, "you always give hugs when offered?" She said yes. Later that night I reminded her again, and I could tell she was hesitant to the idea.

So this morning, as she was leaving, she gave her normal hug to Mom, and I saw my chance. I went to her, and asked where my hug was. She said that I needed to offer a hug first. I responded by saying that I have been offering hugs for two years. So I reached out gently putting my arms around her, and hugged her. At first she just stood there, so I moved her arms to wrap around me, and said, "that's a hug." We celebrate successes, no matter how small.

In another area of growth, we have been coaching her on expanding her friends, and reaching out to others.  I offered that if she needed help, she can text or call me. Later that afternoon, We have the following texting dialog:

Vanda: I had lunch with Julie* today ... And it was kinda akward...cazz she was doing hw and I tried to talk to her..

Vanda: I set with her for almous whole lunch, and she never asked me anything, it was me who was talking the most... I can't have a good lunch with her...so I walked for the rest 10 min around school... Them I found Susan*, so I was talking to her for a while, and she gave me a capcake!!! And then I went sai hi to Cheryl*  and everyone... But my lunch could be better...

Me: You are so good to let me know. It takes a strong person to do what is hard. I was reminded this week by pastor Roland that we should never get tired of doing what is good. Know that Julie* struggles with making friends too. 

Me: After school, let Julie* know that you are wanting to have some fun with her this afternoon and that she is important. Then get out the slime and sneeze on her :-)

Vanda: Hehehe ok ill try!!!! 

It is so hard making friends as a 16 year old!  I'm thankful for the hug, but also that she reached out to me with her struggles. Progress is good, and slow is okay. 

Such is the Love God grants to us. His love is very patient, and much more.

* The names are not the actual names.

Parenting is not for wimps. Neither is adoption.

Wow! What a ride. 

      On June 25^th we celebrated knowing Vanda for one year. To celebrate we went to Vanda’s favorite restaurant, Cici’s Pizza. She had been looking forward to going… Too bad, she was withdrawn and closed the entire time we were there. That is but a brief snapshot of the roller coaster ride of emotions we have been experiencing. Fortunately, we have great friends, and a loving God who provides us wisdom along the path.

      As anyone knows, communication with a teenager is tricky business; it is the same for us, except we have little or no foundation for our relationship. This foundation is a work in progress, and we have much ground to cover. It’s kind of like building a car while driving down the road. Talk about a thrill ride! Woah! Look out for that tree! (Flashback to George of the Jungle). For months, the only time Vanda would look at u was when she wanted something. So we made those times teaching moments. She would ask, “Can I do Facebook?” It is then that I could talk to her about some issue or attitude. All other times she would shut us out. If we dared to say “no” to one of her requests, she would likely spiral into anger and we would then have to wait out the silent storm. In between these challenges, there have been bursts of giggles and playfulness. Vanda has a great sense of humor; it is a medium that we can use to communicate with her… if we only remember to play ourselves.

      Vanda is an accomplished artist. We wanted to find a way to help her develop her gift, and we found this great studio for her called Le Studio. The teacher is from France by way of Lebanon, is very talented, and sees and encourages Vanda’s gift for art. She has just started her first oil painting. I have started an online artwork album; feel free to check it out. Vanda's Artwork

      There have been many new addition to Vanda's life since joining our family. Two of the additions are rats. Yes, real live, can't-believe-Beth-let-them-in-the-house rats. She does good at taking care of them and we hope it helps her feel more apart of our family and appreciate the value in family.

      Vanda really wanted to earn some money. Perhaps she heard of this crazy place, called the land of opportunity. She has been washing and cleaning cars, mowing yards, and walking dogs. Like most things she does, she works hard and wants to make everything “beautiful.” Beautiful is one of her favorite words. If you can drop off your car, two hours later she will have it looking like new inside and out.

      Now for the most amazing part of our story. I’m not sure I can accurately describe the amazing change we have witnessed. It has to be the power of prayer. Until just recently, Vanda would rarely look at us (only when she wanted something), and would recoil as the slightest touch. At night, she would literally hide under the sheets when we came to say prayers with her. Everyone knows that Beth is addicted to hugs, and she hugs everybody. Not being able to hug Vanda has been very hard for us, but especially for Beth. With an amazing amount of gentleness, play, and patience, Beth has taught Vanda how not only to receive hugs, but also to give them. After months of rejection, Vanda is looking deep into Beth’s eyes, embracing her, and connecting to Beth. Vanda will even give me a hug, but only at prayer time and only after making sure Beth get the bigger hugs.  That is ok, this journey has just begun, and we are on the right path.

      We leave in a few weeks for our third trip to Latvia. We really don’t know what to expect but are sure we will witness God’s hand in it. It may be difficult for Vanda and we do not know the next time she will be able to return to her place of birth, the places and people she has been a part of for 14 years. Your prayers are appreciated.

      Each week we can see how God is teaching not only Vanda but us as well, what a family is and more importantly, love. Love is truly the greatest gift God has given us, and we all have much to learn about it.

Adopted into God’s family,

Kirk

Let there be joy!

All teenager

    It has been 11 days since we returned from Latvia. It seems like Vanda has been here much longer. With us hosting her this summer, and our 3 weeks in Latvia, we have become a family is a short amount of time. I think Beth and I are ahead of Vanda in this area as she certainly has the harder part of this adventure; It is hard to comprehend the amount of change she is experiencing. She does not speak much of her feelings, but I do my best to understand and interpret her responses to life’s situations. Looking back, I can see how her time here this summer is much different from her time now, but there are connections. I do think it was one of the many pieces that have helped Vanda with this transition. She grieved while in Latvia but she is happy to be here with us.

    Vanda is attending school with me 4 days a week, but it is more like homeschooling. She attends Art, PE, and Technology, and watches Dance. As for many her age, dancing is a bit scary, but the teacher, Sara Keys, is wonderful and Vanda is connecting with the girls. I ‘m still trying to find and understand the resources I need to help her with her core subjects. I feel like I’m getting another crash course in education. Daily she is using an Internet program called Live Mocha. Other than the program runs slowly during the day, it is a good program and is helping Vanda with her English skills. Vanda is doing well with her English, and her vocabulary score is very high. Her biggest struggle is with grammar and forming sentences. We have very few problems in understanding each other with our daily communication.

    While we are still figuring out routines and such, Vanda is already an integral part of our family. The other night I found myself sitting at a table with four delightfully giggling girls: Vanda, Sarah, Alyssa, and of course, Beth. I am certainly outnumbered. Lord keep me strong.

    I’ve saved the best for last. Today, Spring must have caught Vanda. While we have had temperatures even into the 80’s, Latvia is just reaching into the 40’s. Vanda wanted to go swim in the lake. Yes the lake. It was the highlight of her time she spent with us this past summer. We told her that today the water would be cold, but she is a teenager after all. I am a believer in experiential education so I said sure. She was so excited. For the rest of the story, see the following video.

    Vanda has added to the laughter and joy in our home. I was thinking today; we do not pick our biological children, God sends them. In much the same way, we did not choose Vanda, God sent her, and God, the very best Father, knows how to give good gifts.

Happily connected to God’s family,

Kirk

For more pictures, see https://picasaweb.google.com/Bleavins/LatviaTrip1#

Letters for Vanda

    Tonight I told Vanda it was time to practice her English. We had already had a session this morning and she was reluctant to do more. I then presented her with about 100 (I really should count them) letters from the 7th grade class at her new school, Community School of Davidson. Her eyes grew wide and I told her this stack of papers was for her, from her new classmates. She was amazed and eagerly started reading each and every one. She smiled, and giggled as she read them aloud, Beth helping her with only some of the words. Ohhh, Ahhh she would say as she related to such things as “I like sports”, “I love my Art class”, and “The teachers here are really nice.” At one of the letters, Vanda and Beth were laughing so hard Vanda said her stomach was hurting. The laughter was good and I believe healing, as we have noticed that while Vanda is excited and committed to living with us in America, she is having a hard time with saying goodbye to her friends and family at the foster home. Vanda read aloud in English non-stop for an hour and fifteen minutes. She read until her speech started slurring, but she was determined to read every one of the letters. Vanda even said, “Thank you God” as she read one of the student’s letters. This was a moment to remember.

    I am very grateful that God has set it up for Vanda to go to this school. These letters say a lot about the school and its environment. The kids mentioned how the school has an anti-bully policy, how the school is accepting of everyone, how the teachers are fun and good, how the kids enjoy learning, they learn a lot, and how new kids to the school are always treated well. Each letter was full of honest encouragement and genuine interest. I went to the school not for my kids, but because I heard it was the best place to teach. Now I am blessed to have both.


    We are enjoying being part of a much larger community. Parenting was never meant to be performed alone.

Kirk, Beth, and Vanda too!

We ended the day with some fun father daughter play.

Week 1 with Vanda

     Today marked our first full week here with Looking back I can see steady growth as we work to knit her into our family. Yes, I did say work. While I had hoped for a vacation, all of us are having to work a bit. Parenting, regardless of the age, requires major effort. There have been tears, rebellion, frustration, fears, and misunderstandings to work through as we learn more of her past, and she learns what to expect from us. And we are not done. We have also seen the importance of teamwork in our marriage and how we must be united to be the parents we are called to be. As friends have reminded us, this is not a sprint, but a marathon, one step at a time,  just like all parenting. 

Vanda. One week from tomorrow we will leave for the U.S.! 

     Today was a good day. We met with the orphan court directors in our hotel room just before lunch for about 25 minutes. They walked the 30 minutes (round trip) from their office to the hotel. People here walk everywhere. Yes, there are plenty of cars too, but walking is the norm. Daugavpils turned their main street into a walking street, one of the first cities in the area to do so. Back at our hotel, I introduced Vanda to a typing program today, and she was at it for over 90 minutes. We am seeing that she loves to learn. For our family outing today we went bowling, followed by a trip to our favorite place for dinner, Cili Pica (Chili Pizza). This evening we continued our daily bible reading. This accomplishes many things at once. It is a great family activity, we read aloud, we share thoughts, it strengthens her English skills, and we all gain a greater understanding of the greatest book. Another multipurpose activity we have started is that of journaling. Journaling provides great practice in transferring thoughts into English words, as well as documenting our trip, and giving her practice writing in English.

     Vanda is quite social and enjoys talking with her friends, via the many modern communication tools we have surrounded ourselves with. Her treat at the end of the day is to sit in front of the computer connecting with her friends. 

    We are very thankful for being able to see the growth over the week and for a very teachable spirit Vanda has had all day. She went to bed a very  happy girl.


One of the adopted,
Kirk, Beth and Vanda too!


For more pictures go to: picasaweb.google.com/Bleavins/LatviaTrip1#

I don’t know, I don't know

I don’t know

These are words we hear often when talking to Vanda, more often that I would like, but I’m beginning to understand.

It goes something like this….

"How are you today Vanda?"

"Good"

"What are you doing?"

"I don’t know"

"What did you do today?"

"I don’t know"

"Would you like to play a game of checkers?"

"I don’t know"

"What would you like to do with us in Latvia?"

"I don’t know"

This used to really frustrate me as I really want to know and connect with her.  After all, she is our daughter. (We are just waiting for the governments of this world to acknowledge this fact.)  Why should communication be so hard? We are only talking over 7 time zones, cultural differences, generational differences, and duh, she is a teenager…. We know from experience, sometimes all you get from a teenager living in your own home is, “I don’t know”, let alone one almost halfway around the globe.

                When Vanda first returned, we received a few emails. Then we started Skyping with video. Then her camera broke and we just talked via Skype with an occasional phone call. Now we get mostly emoticons, (those assorted smile faces with different expressions.  J ) and a bunch of “I don’t knows”.  As time passes and we wait and wait, this seems to be more difficult for Vanda. It has been 5 months since she was here.

I am beginning to understand that she really does not know. This adventure we are on is life changing for all of us. She has been an orphan all her life, has very little idea of what life in America is, or what life in school will be, or even being a regular part of our family. She is 14, has many friends and I’m sure has grown accustomed to her life in the foster home for the last 3 years. She also knows, like we do, that while life is good now, her options for a fulfilled life in Latvia are extremely limited as she approaches her 16^th birthday, the age at which orphans age out of the system.  I can truly say that I don’t know what it’s like to be an orphan all my life. Well that is until I stop and think. I was an orphan, until I became adopted into God’s merciful family.  When faced with questions from our heavenly Father, I hear,…  Kirk, will you start taking better care of yourself? Kirk, will you love others as I have loved you? Kirk, will you trust me? My response is…………. Uhmmm “I don’t know?”  There are so many life lessons to be found in the act of adoption.

We are very thankful for the time we had with Vanda this summer, when we did get the opportunity to connect. She too, remembers our time together, and I believe that is what we all are using to get us through this time of waiting. We often talk of our time together this summer, and I’ve been sharing some of my favorite pictures with her. I even wrote her a poem. “Fond of Vanda.” We had truly hoped we would be traveling January/ February but now it looks like March/ April. Only God knows and we will trust in His timing. Things just work out better when we do.

Speaking of our travel date, we did have a bit of excitement this week. Our friends, who we’ve been going through this adoption with, just received their notice and are traveling the middle of February to pick up their daughter. We are next! This past Thursday, Beth was sick at home, and catching up on email. She read an email from our adoption agency which had the date March 11th!  She thought, “It’s our travel date! Yippee! Yahoo!” So Beth excitedly calls me at school, and shares this wonderful news. Wow! My mind starts reeling, a bit in disbelief that this is actually going to happen. I start thinking of who to tell first? My principal, some close teachers who’ve been so supportive of the adoption, who? I decide I need to check the email myself so as to have printed proof to show others. I go to look, and find that the March 11^th date is actually -- March 11, 2003 , the date the article of law in Latvia pertaining to adoption was passed. I quickly called back my lovely wife, and suggested she reconsider spreading the news any further. Hmmm, as I’ve been teaching my kids in school, “attention to detail”, is an important skill.

Waiting on a date,

Kirk
One of the adopted

*   If you would like to be on our prayer list, let me know. I give regular updates on our progress, as well as the specifics of our needs.  

Who is in charge here?

      I am sure many of you have the same thought as I: Wow, what a year! Or was it: Whew, what a year?

Over the past few years, Beth’s family has had a fun tradition. Beth’s dad comes up with a variety of topics and everyone submits their predictions. At the end of the year, he awards a prize to the winner. I rarely do very well. My ability to predict the future is extremely limited. Last January, had I attempted to predict what would happen in 2010, I would have been nowhere close. 

      I think there is a simple reason we can't predict the future -- we are not in charge! That seems plainly clear to me as I look back. I go back to the story of the angel telling Mary what is about to happen to her. It all must have sounded so absurd and scary. So I thought I'd try to write what an angel might have said to me last January.

Your family will grow. (Go on, tell me more)

You will meet a girl and she will capture your heart. (Sounds like trouble)

You will become more united with your wife. (How does this fit with the previous?)

Your relationship with your children will grow.

You will become a full time teacher and have your own classroom before finishing your degree (What happened to one step at a time?)

You will face new challenges. (I'm not so sure I'm done with my current challenges)

You will be called to a new church. (I’m listening)

You will attend funerals and weddings. (Do I get to pick?)

You will learn to get by on less sleep and do more. (Not again)

You will have to document your life and present it to people in strange lands.  (huh?)

You will learn more of the needs of God's children around the world. 

You and your wife will raise more than $15,000 for a very worthy cause. (You are kidding me, right? I don't do fundraising, remember?)

You will be challenged to do more than you think can be done.

      Had I been presented with the above, I don't think I would have responded as well as Mary and Joseph did with their amazing news. Instead, I likely would have annoyed the messenger with my questions and comments and received some sort of curse. Then I would have fallen into worry and despair. How is this all possible? I'm already doing as much as I can. (Do angels ever say you are going sailing to a beach in the Caribbean?)

      While I may still try to foresee what the future holds, sometimes it is really better to not know. Looking back, I don’t see where I would change anything!  It’s all good.

      Do yourself a favor and never try to tell God you are doing as much as you can. He will reply, "My grace is sufficient for you,” and He will prove you wrong.

     I sometimes wonder if there is anything I should not be doing, but it is all good, so I will keep at it, trying my best to do what I’ve been called to do. So let the adventures continue! I look forward to sharing more adventures with you in this new year, new decade!

We are waiting for an invitation from Latvia. We are told this may take some time. Good thing I'm not in charge :-)

Kirk

If you would like to be on our prayer list, let me know. I give regular updates on our progress, as well as the specifics of our needs. 

Adoption = Adventure

        So what does one do while sitting in a car in the cold rain, waiting on documents to be processed? I know I’ll share our adventure with our faithful friends.

       We have had a lot happen in the last couple weeks. While school is winding down for the year, (happy dance)  a lot is happing with our adoption. Last week we had a great time at a fundraiser at the Friendly’s in Huntersville.  The owners, in conjunction with our church youth group, set up a family night event with 10% of the evening profits to go to our adoption. It was fun to talk to people and introduce Vanda via a movie of pictures projected on a sheet that our youth pastor had set up.  We all had fun, and the place was full all evening! Well up until Alyssa had too much fun, (Yes there is such a thing) and after dropping her ice cream, started crying. She then progressed to coughing, which was followed by her showing us her dinner, all her dinner -- all over the floor.  Fortunately, most of it landed on a carpet, which the staff, quickly rolled up and moved outside. Despite the ending, we were encouraged by so many who wanted to show their support for Vanda. Our hope is that this youth group will become part of Vanda's support structure here.

        At this point, we were hopeful to receive notice from Latvia before Christmas. Well, that did not last long. Due to the fingerprinting escapade we thought I was going to have to run to Raleigh to get it certified, and we were scrambling to see if it all could be done in less than 24 hours to get it to a family leaving for Latvia. Well, as we resigned that it was not going to happen, we receive an email, saying a scanned copy would suffice for now and we could just mail the document for certification in Raleigh. All right! We are on track again, or so we thought.

        A few days later, we get another email saying requirements have changed, and we need to send three apostilled certified copies of our divorce documents, per divorce, to Latvia as soon as possible as our paperwork is now waiting on it….Great, another ASAP, jump through hoops as fast as we can trick. Are we part of a political circus act or what?

        So -- Beth was able to get to the courthouse to get our copies, and I made plans to take off Thursday to Drive to Raleigh.  Then we would have to overnight the documents to get them to a couple in Buffalo NY who are leaving Friday Noon.  Nothing like a little excitement to get the heart a pumping.

        Speaking of Buffalo, It only gets better. The weather forecast was for snow, sleet, and freezing rain. (I can't decide which of these I like more.) I leave the house at 5 am and get to experience all the above weather.  Returning to days gone by of living up North, I try to remember what was required when driving in such nasty stuff. Let me see, something to do with brakes…. I am thankful for a nice invention (since those days of old when we had to pump brakes) of anti-lock brakes. Yes, I had opportunity to test them, and they worked great, because at times I was driving on a thin sheet of ice. Weeeee look mom, no brakes.  (I'm ok mom, I'm not writing this from the hospital.) At one point in the pre-dawn morning, I saw a car in my rear view mirror swerve, and then smoothly, slid off the road and then came to a sudden stop in the grass. Not what the driver planned on for the morning, I’m sure.  The police were busy this morning. After about 2.5 hours of this fun, I stopped at a gas station to de-ice my wipers. There was more ice than wiper, and for some reason, they were not working well. Now to continue with the journey.

        Many of you know I am directionally impaired and require such things as a map or in these days, a GPS to get anywhere.  I had my phone in GPS mode when it decided it had enough fun as well. Turns out my car charger was not able to keep up with the demands of my phone, and the battery died. Yikes, I’m driving on ice and don’t know where I’m going. Yee - hah. (Perhaps I need to invest in homing pigeons.) I knew I should have printed out those directions.  I continue on, trying to remember the way, while I try to coax my phone to accept a few electrons and charge. At the last moment it came on and told me to take the next right. Ahh, there the place is.

        It is 9:15, I drop off the papers, and then call my wife. Beth answers and says, “I thought you were going to call when you got there.” I answer, "that is what I’m doing; a mere 4 hours after leaving, I have arrived."  Now I have to wait until 1:30 and find a place to overnight the documents. A simple task for a directionally impaired paperwork road warrior. The ride back promises to be less of an adventure, as the freezing rain has turned to a cold wet rain.

        Even after all this effort, we did not get our documents to the Family leaving for Latvia on Friday. UPS "overlooked" our package which was scheduled for a guaranteed 10:30 delivery in Buffalo. This resulted in me spending a couple of hours emailing, phone calling, and waiting with UPS and others to find the package and determine a course of action. At this point they have agreed to send the documents to Latvia. It won't leave until Monday as they needed various approvals as I insisted they were to pay the cost of getting it there. The agent I was working with asked me what to do if there is an extra cost associated with sending the package. My response was to have them talk to me (the unhappy customer). She said that department did not like talking to the customers,only the agents. I said, "fine, then just get the package there."

        It would seem that sometimes we need to fight for our children. In this case, I was  fighting with phone, email and paper.

        Like all good and worthy adventures, we are growing because of it.  God truly provides, both the challenges we need to grow and the means to go through them. I am very thankful, a bit tired, but thankful.

Obstacles and a growing love

        As we approach the Christmas holiday, we all think of our kids. While Vanda is not officially our child, our hearts do not know that and they beat for joy when we hear her sweet voice.  Just like our other children, we love learning about what is going on in their lives, and being a part of their growing process.  We just have two small issues of her being so far away and speaking another language. I am convinced that it is love which bridges the gap. Love is such an amazing thing, a miracle in and of itself. I can’t explain it, let alone understand it.

        So how do we send love to a child who is over 4000 miles away, in a different language and culture? This is new territory for us. This week during one of our Skype conversations together we drew this picture. While neither Beth nor I claim to be an artist, it is something fun we can do with Vanda that helps cross the divide of miles and language. We have been thinking of what we can send to Vanda for Christmas. So what do you give someone who has nothing? While Vanda does have some possessions, they all can fit into a small backpack; such is the life of an orphan. I’ve thought about that this week, and how different life is for us having grown up with a family in the USA. As a child, I had “my” room, clothes, toys, etc. I doubt I will ever fully understand the life of an orphan but I am learning.

        Many of you have commented on how you like being a part of our adventure through this blog. I am glad as this adventure is far too big not to share, and it is much more than the money. It is a journey of education and an exploration into the depths of love, compassion, commitment, and sharing of relationships. Your prayers and comments encourage us greatly in this process. As we progress through the paperwork jungle, I am realizing that the waiting process may be harder on us than it is on Vanda.

        We have had a minor delay in the process with Beth’s fingers. It would seem she is well suited to be a thief. (Who would have thought this?) She has no printable fingerprints as her fingers are too smooth. As a result, she has had to go to Charlotte twice, get two rejection letters from Texas, and spend an hour at the Davidson police station getting a letter saying they have no record of her being a criminal.  The good news is, as of Thursday, we have been approved! Now we are waiting, (there’s that waiting thing again) for the official letter, and will have to take it to Raleigh to get an apostille so it can be sent to Latvia. Our hope is to be able to send it with another family who is traveling to Latvia instead of paying DHL $120 to take it. Sometimes I wonder why there are so many barriers, but I am reminded that to be a good parent, (or even a husband for that matter), we have to be committed, regardless of the barriers. In doing so our love is strengthened and God is glorified.

        Speaking of things outside our control, our fundraising is going well. it seems every day someone asks if they can help in both big and small ways. One of the big ways people are helping is where we have had people offering to organize fundraisers for us. (It must be obvious, this is not our gift.) Our most recent is the Family Night at Friendly’s.  What is better than it being a fundraiser, is it is an opportunity to for the youth to start to connect to with Vanda. We hope this group to become one of Vanda’s support groups as she transitions to life in America. One of the kids in the group was also adopted from East Europe as a teenager.

We feel a great sense of community and we share this adventure with our friends and family.

Each of the obstacles we face, I am certain, will serve as a tool for growth for us and for Vanda. Just as a spring flower struggles against the dirt and eventually breaks through to reveal its regal petals, this journey will be the start of helping a Vanda come into the sunlight of her life and in the process our roots will grow deeper.

Peace and strength to you this Christmas season,

kb

Adoption Testimony

    As one our required documents for an application we had to write up an adoption testimony. I thought I'd share it with those who are interested.

    God has been actively involved in bringing Vanda Anna and us together for many years. We appreciate your willingness to be a part of His plan. Over the last five or so years, God has been stirring in our hearts, to know more about adoption. The words of James 1:27 kept coming to mind. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (New International Version). 

    Two years ago, Latvia was looking at reducing funding for foster care. New Horizons for Children started including these foster homes in their listing of children for hosting. Vanda Anna was one of those selected. She had been in the home for just two years. Before that, she had been in an orphanage since the age of two. She came to the U.S.A. for the summer of 2009 and had a positive experience, but was not adopted.
    At the start of this year, we found Life Fellowship, which has an active and growing orphan ministry. It was here we found out about New Horizons for Children, (NHFC) a hosting ministry for children of Eastern Europe. We also met and got too know others in the church who had both hosted and then adopted, because of this ministry. 

    Unknown to us until recently, we discovered that God had been at work in an interesting way: in February, when the NHFC Summer Hosting Program was introduced to Lake Norman Baptist Church, the pastor’s wife at that church randomly picked up pictures of two orphans from a pile of hundreds of orphans. She committed to pray for these two orphan girls, since she and her husband would not be able to host an orphan this year. Those two girls turned out to be Vanda and Viktorija, both from Latvia: Vanda now to be adopted by us, and Viktorija to be adopted by our newly made friends this summer, Mike and Julie VanHoy of Lake Norman Baptist Church. Little did we know that God had woven our lives together back in February, and we would not meet until June 30th, the night the girls arrived from Latvia.Their blog is linked as a favorite of this blog.

    Starting in May, we began looking at the hundreds of pictures of orphans NHFC was actively seeking homes for the summer. It took some time and prayer, but both of us selected Vanda Anna as a child we wanted to host for the summer. After much anticipation and excitement on both sides, on June 26, 2010, Vanda Anna arrived to stay with us for 5 weeks. Each day we grew to love her more and more. By the second week, we were talking of adoption. By the third week, we were ready to commit. 

    We sent her back to Latvia on August 1, 2010. This was hard, but all of us hung on to the hope that we would soon be reunited. Since then, we have been in regular communication with Vanda since thanks to email, Skype and the telephone. Both Vanda and our family are very excited, and we wait for the day she can become part of our forever family.

   Since August 1st, we have been working to bring our girl here as soon as possible.  This whole journey has been about God’s amazing love, and His desire for us to share that love with others. His love is true sacrificial love, and through Jesus, he has shown us how to love others. We are adopted into His kingdom and He has called us to adopt Vanda into our home where the greatest gift we can offer our children is sharing the love of Christ in a way in which they too may accept the Father’s love and become adopted into the family of God.

Summer with Vanda

What a summer this has been! When we started this process of hosting, we had said we would be open to what God had for us. If you stop and think about that statement, it can get rather scary. God does some crazy things with “ordinary” people (not that we consider ourselves ordinary). We are extremely thankful for one of our prayer partners willing to be real with us and share some concerns about adopting Vanda, per the

following:

• Is this a good time? Can we swing this financially? Are we busy enough already?
• Can adoptions hurt a marriage? What about the needs of our current children?
• Beth has a stressful job and I am starting a new full time job as a teacher and still going to school.
• What about the extra expenses of food, clothing, medical?

When we ask for prayer partners this is what we hope for, people to love us and tell us what they see.

I also had a member of our church tell us some of their experiences with a recent adoption and some possible problems similar to the above list. His final synopsis was something like "I don't know how any marriage can survive with any adoption if Christ is not at the center".

The other side of the scale is to look at Vanda. She is seeking a family and has been for 12 years. She was placed in an orphanage at age two. She is precious, loving, adventuresome, teachable, and is trusting God. Two years from now, she will age out of the system and be on her own to provide herself with food and shelter. Tell me, what can a 16-year-old girl do to provide for herself in an economically depressed country, one who enjoys drawing and doing puzzles? There are options but they are few and some lead to destructive ends. In spite of the years without parents to love and support her, she has maintained a sweet, although very quiet and reserved, disposition. During her time with us; she has connected with us, and seems willing to accept our parenting of her. Anyone can connect with Beth, but Vanda looks to me as well. (That itself is somewhat amazing.)

In my searching of scriptures, I found a lot about defending the fatherless, and seeing that they are cared for. Now that does not necessarily mean adopting orphans, but it is clear God want us to look after them, seeing that they are not neglected or taken advantage of. Here aer some of the verses I found. (all NIV)

Deuteronomy 10:18 - He defends the cause of the fatherless and the
widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.

Deuteronomy 24:17 - Do not deprive the alien or the fatherless of justice…

Psalm 10:18 - defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order
that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.

Psalm 68:5 - A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God
in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 82:3 - Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the
rights of the poor and oppressed.

James 1:27  - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and
faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

The last verse is what speaks loudest to us. We don’t have great finances to fund an adoption, and the events that have led Vanda here are amazing in and of themselves, truly God's leading and calling. We DO have some experience with teenagers having two homes (Brenden and Sarah); I am studying to be a teacher of teenagers, middle school at that, and the Community School of Davidson would be a perfect fit for her being a small school with special needs taken care of; and we have room in our hearts because of the love that Christ has given us. I hope you don’t mind my long way of saying we feel led to proceed with the adoption process for Vanda. Are we nervous? YES. Are we crazy? Perhaps. Are we trusting? YES!! The adoption process is long and costly and even uncertain. We will be applying for grants and donations and trusting that God will provide.

This is the wrap-up of our hosting adventure and on to an even greater adventure.

We will be asking for new prayer partners for our adoption process of Vanda. If you would like to join with us on this journey, please let us know, and I will add you to the list. Please see out Picasa site for pictures.

With joy in Christ,
Kirk and Beth, Alyssa

(Sarah has met Vanda via Skype, and Brenden has spent some time with us this summer as well)