God, you are great and I am thankful for you being here to help me on my journey.
Keep me from the temptation of distraction, for there are many, and let me not fall into the pit of self-pity or depression. Instead, let me be excited about this adventure that is before me, and to make the most of this opportunity.
Father, I desire to know your truth for me, help me to know where I need to be looking. Who in this grand world of yours do you want me to reach out to today letting them know that I am available for work? Who can I encourage along this grand journey of life?
Grant me patience, peace, and the wisdom I need to seek a path that honors you. Help me to be diligent and organized this day. Assist me in creating and following a plan which will assist me as I put forth the effort that is required of me today.
Banish all pride from me, so that I can be a humble and willing servant this day. Let me find myself smiling more... knowing the love that you have for me is bountiful.
All so that your name will be praised and honored by my actions today.
Jesus is waiting for me at the cross. His words calling in my mind, but I do not go. I am afraid.
I was expecting something else. Last I knew we were planning a celebration. What just happened? A sudden, unexpected ominous storm came from nowhere. Life has suddenly become dark. The once blue skies have suddenly turned black.
The Jesus I clung to. The Jesus who taught with hope and promise, now hangs in obedience and humility.
He hangs there. His followers...we have all left.
He said, take up your cross and follow me. What does that mean? He is hanging on the cross, letting the life go out of him. Follow where?
He was to be the Way, the Truth, and the Light. Now...There is no path. What is truth? I see no light.
Dreams so bright and promising... now empty, worthless, gone.
Hope once was so real... now gone without a trace.
Accusations, lies, betrayal, confusion... Denial.
Dark uncertainty fills my bewildered mind.
Pain like no other pain.
Fear overwhelming.
Loneliness.
Empty.
Lost.
How can this be a Good Friday? What can possibly be good about it?
This this was Peter before Sunday. Many of us have been here.
The question is: “Are we stuck in the dark, or do we know about Sunday?
To see the real Jesus, we need to first look at the cross.
This quote is from The Return of the King the final episode in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I recently treated myself to watching the extended version. It is the climactic part of a long and difficult journey, and shows one person willing to give their all to help their companion. It is an intense moment when it seems all is lost, beyond hope, and they just can't go on.
At times, life can be extremely hard. Most of the time we can't take away another's heavy load ... for it is not ours to take. We also don't need to provide answers to their struggle ... for it is not ours to solve. Does that mean we just walk away? Do we try to solve it for them anyway? No. As much as we would like to remove them from their struggle, it is their burden to carry. But we can "carry them." We can support them by coming alongside and walking the troubled and weary road with them. We don't need to run ahead, trying to solve the problem for them, nor should we walk behind and wait for them to fall. We can walk alongside with an arm around their shoulder, offering words of encouragement, spending time quietly listening, allowing our hearts to hurt with them, and even weeping with them. We can carry them by bringing simple gifts, meals, helping with chores, and reducing other loads; so that they have more strength to go on. They will still have to travel their road, but with a true friend walking alongside, the overwhelming impossible journey becomes a bit more possible.
If we don't know of other's struggles, how can we help? Too many times our prideful, self-sufficient, selves won't share our struggles. My father had responsibility placed on him at an early age, and did not believe you should share your problems with others. As a result he unknowingly distanced himself from others. Even in the hardest of times, all responses to "How's it going?" were met with an overly positive and sometimes humorous response like: "If I were any better, there'd have to be two of me." While I love being a positive and encouraging person, it is not true all the time. The question is so prevalent that I found a website titled 100 RESPONSES TO "HOW ARE YOU?" Personally, I have never liked that question. A more real question is, "What's bothering you?" The truth is, we all have struggles, even handicaps. Sometimes our challenges are big and insurmountable, other times smaller. Some handicaps are easier to hide than others, but we all have them. If we all have problems, why do we try to hide them? Do we really believe that hiding them will make them go away? What we need to do is to share and grow through them.
We are all inspired by those with physical handicaps who push forward and do not let their handicap keep them from doing what they have been called to do. Do you think they would have accomplished much if they had they tried to hide their handicap? No, they accepted what they had letting others share in their life: Pain, struggles, loss, etc. ... If you have not looked into the life of Nick Vujicic you need to (www.lifewithoutlimbs.org). He has made his handicap his strength. Something I believe God enjoys.
We were made for community. Real authentic community. Community is not the casual "how's it going, how's the weather, did you watch my team, did you hear about ,.." surface level conversations with our neighbors as we pass them by. What we need is real Christian community. I say Christian community because the model for perfect community was laid out in the book of Acts: "There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need" (4:34-37 ESV). The early Church lived in such community where no one was in need. I like that idea. We all need to be living in intentional community with people willing to sacrifice for each other. When one falls down we can help lift them up. When we fall down they will be able to do the same.
I have had some challenges, and I'll admit to having handicaps. One of the reasons I write, is to share some of my story with others so that they will be encouraged. My writing is proof that God can take one's weakness and turn it into good. All through my younger years in school I passionately detested English class and any sort of writing assignment. My handwriting is something even I can't read, and my spelling is creative, to say the least. I was extremely shy, and far too inwardly focused to be of any good to anyone. Then, as an adult, I went back to school to get my degree ... Needless to say, I had a load of writing to do. Thanks to the computer, and some encouraging teachers, I found I enjoyed writing, and even more amazing, had people saying they liked my writing. I'm still amazed.
Ever wonder what God wants for you? Believe it or not, the answer is simple. He wants you to help someone. "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
(This image is a favorite of mine, and originally appeared in the Good News Bible and is one of many by Annie Vallotton, who has spent a lifetime lightening the load for many through her art(short bio and interview).
If you are not part of such a caring and supportive community, please let me know as I want to help get you connected. Regardless of where you live, there is a community waiting for you, to help you grow in spirit, mind, and body.
I admit to being a geek and enjoying machines. I also appreciate German engineering, and I have an old '95 Audi convertible. We don't get that much snow around here, so a couple weeks ago I took my daughter to the mountains to play in the snow. We had a great time, but when we got back, the car look liked it had come down with leprosy.
I normally wash the car the old fashioned way: by hand at home. But it is below freezing and all the hoses are put up, so I head over to our neighborhood car wash. This is the kind you put the quarters in the machine and grab the wand and do it yourself. Not cutting edge technology by any stretch of the imagination, but hey, It will get the job done. I look forward to applying the magic wand and curing my car of the dreaded salt disease.
I go to the bill changer and I find it is having a 2 for 1 sale. It takes my $2 and gives me only $1 worth of quarters back. Of course, this is a fully self reliant mechanical marvel of technology, and no human attendant is needed. There is a suggestion box where you can leave a message for the attendant, but the box is a rusting old mail box that is empty except for one old and yellowing piece of paper. I fill it out, but I really don't expect much. I dig in the car and find 2 quarters and think that would be enough for a quick rinse. I place the quarters in the slot without much thought and then read that it requires 6 quarters to even think about starting (insert joke about guys not reading directions). I push the return button, and I discover it is only for decoration, as it has no intention of giving me any of my money back. I'm now wondering if this control box and the bill changer up front are talking together and working the same scam stealing money from unsuspecting humans.
I really want to get my car clean, and our home is only five minutes away, so I get in the car and go home to get the quarters that are sitting on my dresser. Since I mostly use plastic, I never know what to do with coins anyways.
I get back to the carwash, to the same bay where I'm wondering if some other person received my 50 cent discount, but the box still says that it is still waiting for 4 more quarters. (I'm not sure but I think I detect a slight demonic grin from the box.) I then insert my 4 quarters, and prepare to wash the car, thinking I have finally won the battle with the machines. The timer starts, I grab the wand, and start turning the dial to rinse.....Nothing but a few drops comes out of the wand. I turn the dial a couple of rounds, but to no avail. Drip, drip, drip. The timer keeps going happily oblivious to my need and growing frustration.
I head home, somewhat defeated. At home, my wife suggests I go to the drive-through car wash at the gas station. I put a new top on the car a few years ago and I generally avoid harsh car washes, but she says it is "touchless." How can you wash a car without touching it? Besides they cost more. I concede and head to the gas station feeling a little defeated.
I pay my money, and head to the entrance, enter my code, and drive into the bay until the stop light turns red. Squirt, squirt, foaming suds, squirt squirt. Kind of fun actually as I sit in the car. Now the rinse. Suddenly, high speed water is spraying in at me and I'm under attack. A direct hit to the face! The window is up, but my convertible was not designed for 100 mph rain coming in horizontally! I grab for a towel that happens to be in the rear seat. The attack came and went swiftly, but it is now attacking the other window! I do what I can to protect myself and the interior of the car but it is clear I'm out gunned.
The assault is over and the light turns green. I drive out and head home. My jacket is still dripping wet on my left side. Machines 2, Kirk 0. On the way home, I envision a horror film of a future world with machines and robots everywhere. Sounds like fun, we should be well entertained. After all I am a geek.
Easter is coming. Jesus came to wash our sins away. Sin that threatens to corrupt us, devour us, like salt on the car. I'm glad he uses the personal hand washing (or should I say foot washing) method instead of some crazed mechanical marvel.
I've had many failed dreams. Sometimes I get afraid to dream again for fear of another failure. I'm convinced it is my faith that helps me get up and dream again. Perhaps with a bit more wisdom and experience to apply to the next dream, or even better... to share with another dreamer.
Loss of dreams. It happens. The question is, "Is it really a loss, or just another hill to climb?" We need to take some time to positively reflect on this, and avoid the temptation to wallow in self pity (one of my specialties, I may add). Instead we need to ask what do I need to learn from this? What have I learned about myself? What can I do with what I've learned? If we can learn from our experiences, then we are successful. However hard the disappointment and crashing feelings tend to be. We are all made to grow, and to learn. We only truly fail; when we fail to learn.
Sometimes we have to come to the end of ourselves, to to find out who we are. That is a big part of growing. We are not what we accomplish, although it may seem like it on a superficial level...accomplishments tend to fade, while character grows. Yes, I want to accomplish great things, to be recognized for doing good. I crave the accolades of a job well done. I think we all do. Yet if that becomes the focus and purpose of our life, we get clouded with pride and think too much of ourselves. We end up missing the greater truth of who we are becoming.
To make a positive difference in the world requires love. The greater the love for others, the greater and more positive impact you will have. Love is an action, it is desiring the good of another, even at the cost of ourselves. Jesus is the author of love, and demonstrates what love can do. The more I find out about God's love, the more I am able to love myself, and love others. After all, who better to teach us who we are, and what we are to be, than the one who created us?
Watch the following movie clip. Up from the ashes, grow the roses of success. It is from one of my favorite movies, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It is fun, playful, has a crazy inventor, and puts a smile to my face every time I see it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GND10sWq0n0
Up from the ashes - Up from what what used to be seemingly strong, and is now soft and serves as fertilizer to help something else grow. Our strong experiences can become soft fertilizer, a foundation on which new things can grow from.
Grow the roses - The growing of a beautiful rose is a process. It starts with a seed that dies to itself, and with the help of good soil, light, and water, produces something so much more then the original.
Of Success - Success is in what you give to others. Our gifts, like a rose's beauty, is not for ourselves, but for others to enjoy.
Jesus talked in the parable of the sower about the value of good soil. Are we allowing God to transform our experiences so they become good soil in which great dreams can flourish? Good soil is not hard, rocky, or filled with weeds. Good soil is soft, rich in nutrients...yes fertilizer.
Here is what I'm doing as I seek out my next dream.
Writing a time-line of past experiences
Looking at the time-line see where I have put forth energy that has brought about the greatest joy, the greatest good.
Looking for where I have found purpose and joy, and where that seems to point.
Trusting that my Father will guide my steps.
One of my joys is being able to take the experiences I have had, and using them to help others. That is one of my purposes.
I found this in a quick search about how a rose grows. It seems to apply. There will be disappointments along the way, when many rose seeds fail to germinate, or perhaps they do germinate, only to die several weeks later from damp-off disease. Sometimes a rose seedling will turn out to be as ugly as sin, or very sickly, and you will reluctantly have to throw it away. Other times they will be just ho-hum, or look too much like its parent, and therefore have no value. But, just when you don't expect it, you might discover that one of your rose seedlings turns out to be very special.http://scvrs.homestead.com/HybridizeKB1.html
As part of praying about a position at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, where John Ortberg is the lead pastor, the three of us were watching John's series on Love Languages. One night as we were eating dinner, our 10 year old daughter was attempting to create her own custom diet plan that that did not happen to include vegetables. My wife, being the healthy nurse in the family, saw a need to correct her assumptions about diet by using consequence not entirely related to the subject of food. She stated the following to our daughter, "If you don't eat your vegetables you won't get to watch John Ortberg." I'm still laughing about this. That may be the first time in history a child was threatened with not being able to watch a sermon for not eating their veggies. It is awesome to know that we don't have to be perfect. That God loves us for who we are, as we are, right now. Instead God just wants us to grow and learn. To trust not only in our own understanding but in a loving Father in Heaven. Jesus was perfect, so we don't have to be, and is here to show the way. In the process it does not hurt to laugh a little at ourselves. I'm sure God gets a good chuckle out of me on a regular basis.
I wonder what Mary had to do to get Jesus to eat his vegetables? No more miracles until you eat your peas?
The fears of this world want to overcome us. They persist and can be as powerful as a mighty ocean wave endlessly crashing into the rocks.
Jesus offers to us the ability to overcome the fears: we just need to hold fast, and stay on the trail before us. Then the roaring waves ears turn to peace.
Photo: Kirk Bleavins
Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.And do everything with love.
It has been a long time since I updated my blog. I received encouragement fro my Christmas letter, hat I thought I'd try to pick up writing again. So let me start with a clip from my letter...
2014, what a year. I believe it takes the record for being the most challenging year ever. It was not that we were floating in a life raft for over a month, only to be beaten in a POW camp (reference the recent movie “Unbroken”). Still I would say we have had our own share of adventures. That being said, it was a good year, for we have loved, and we have been loved. We have grown, and we have learned much. God is faithful. I have not done a year-end letter in a while, and I think my writing is out of practice so...here goes...
Yes, we have suffered a great loss, and expect the pain to continue for a long time. Yet it does not control us, and in fact, it helps grow us. We are different people than we were a few years ago. Amazing, despite our unwillingness, growth happens. We have been given the gift of knowing more of what real love is like: how much God loves us, how much He has sacrificed for us, and how He desires a relationship with His creation. Vanda is no longer living with us and wants nothing to do with us. She left us after she turned 18 this past summer. It is hard looking at all the pictures we have of her and remembering all we have done with her over the last five years. We pray regularly that one day she will know and understand the love God has for her, and the love of a family. Our heart is with her, yet we have to let her go...Love does not insist on its own way, one of the many lessons we have been taught...
I've recently found some of the writings of Dallas Willard through another of my favorite authors, John Ortberg. In the book Love Beyond Reason, he says, “With this magnificent God positioned among us, Jesus bring us the assurance that our universe is a perfectly safe place to be.” It does not mean there is no pain, it just means we have a God that will help us through it. While I admit, I would rather avoid the pain and trouble, it can, and will be, made good.
We are blessed with living close to our wonderful families and also blessed to live in a great neighborhood. Some amazing people live here, yet we don’t spend as much time as we’d like with them. We are hoping to play more this year.
I know it has been a long while, over a year since last posting. I have been keeping a small journal, and hope to post more. I'm still recovering from the last few years. When entering the following journal entry I thought I might as well post it here. As I often say, thus has been a journey of learning what love is, and what love is not.
Love is patience, ....
Today I received a hug from our adopted teenage daughter.
When she first came here, (almost 2 years ago) she never hugged anyone. My wife, the hug professional, has helped Vanda to hug and be hugged. Well, today, this morning, I got Vanda to grant me a small hug.
Yesterday, at her school, I observed her giving hugs to her male friend (yes, shes attracted to him) and other girl friends, as they were going off to class. That afternoon I was talking with her, and asked her why she was able to give hugs to him, but not to me. She responded by saying that she always gives hugs to people when they offer one. (I think, she was trying to minimize the hug with him as we have cautioned her about male relationships.) So I said, "you always give hugs when offered?" She said yes. Later that night I reminded her again, and I could tell she was hesitant to the idea.
So this morning, as she was leaving, she gave her normal hug to Mom, and I saw my chance. I went to her, and asked where my hug was. She said that I needed to offer a hug first. I responded by saying that I have been offering hugs for two years. So I reached out gently putting my arms around her, and hugged her. At first she just stood there, so I moved her arms to wrap around me, and said, "that's a hug." We celebrate successes, no matter how small.
In another area of growth, we have been coaching her on expanding her friends, and reaching out to others. I offered that if she needed help, she can text or call me. Later that afternoon, We have the following texting dialog:
Vanda: I had lunch with Julie* today ... And it was kinda akward...cazz she was doing hw and I tried to talk to her..
Vanda: I set with her for almous whole lunch, and she never asked me anything, it was me who was talking the most... I can't have a good lunch with her...so I walked for the rest 10 min around school... Them I found Susan*, so I was talking to her for a while, and she gave me a capcake!!! And then I went sai hi to Cheryl* and everyone... But my lunch could be better...
Me: You are so good to let me know. It takes a strong person to do what is hard. I was reminded this week by pastor Roland that we should never get tired of doing what is good. Know that Julie* struggles with making friends too.
Me: After school, let Julie* know that you are wanting to have some fun with her this afternoon and that she is important. Then get out the slime and sneeze on her :-)
Vanda: Hehehe ok ill try!!!!
It is so hard making friends as a 16 year old! I'm thankful for the hug, but also that she reached out to me with her struggles. Progress is good, and slow is okay.
Such is the Love God grants to us. His love is very patient, and much more.
On June 25th we celebrated knowing Vanda for one year. To celebrate we went to Vanda’s favorite restaurant, Cici’s Pizza. She had been looking forward to going… Too bad, she was withdrawn and closed the entire time we were there. That is but a brief snapshot of the roller coaster ride of emotions we have been experiencing. Fortunately, we have great friends, and a loving God who provides us wisdom along the path.
As anyone knows, communication with a teenager is tricky business; it is the same for us, except we have little or no foundation for our relationship. This foundation is a work in progress, and we have much ground to cover. It’s kind of like building a car while driving down the road. Talk about a thrill ride! Woah! Look out for that tree! (Flashback to George of the Jungle). For months, the only time Vanda would look at u was when she wanted something. So we made those times teaching moments. She would ask, “Can I do Facebook?” It is then that I could talk to her about some issue or attitude. All other times she would shut us out. If we dared to say “no” to one of her requests, she would likely spiral into anger and we would then have to wait out the silent storm. In between these challenges, there have been bursts of giggles and playfulness. Vanda has a great sense of humor; it is a medium that we can use to communicate with her… if we only remember to play ourselves.
Vanda is an accomplished artist. We wanted to find a way to help her develop her gift, and we found this great studio for her called Le Studio. The teacher is from France by way of Lebanon, is very talented, and sees and encourages Vanda’s gift for art. She has just started her first oil painting. I have started an online artwork album; feel free to check it out. Vanda's Artwork
There have been many new addition to Vanda's life since joining our family. Two of the additions are rats. Yes, real live, can't-believe-Beth-let-them-in-the-house rats. She does good at taking care of them and we hope it helps her feel more apart of our family and appreciate the value in family.
Vanda really wanted to earn some money. Perhaps she heard of this crazy place, called the land of opportunity. She has been washing and cleaning cars, mowing yards, and walking dogs. Like most things she does, she works hard and wants to make everything “beautiful.” Beautiful is one of her favorite words. If you can drop off your car, two hours later she will have it looking like new inside and out.
Now for the most amazing part of our story. I’m not sure I can accurately describe the amazing change we have witnessed. It has to be the power of prayer. Until just recently, Vanda would rarely look at us (only when she wanted something), and would recoil as the slightest touch. At night, she would literally hide under the sheets when we came to say prayers with her. Everyone knows that Beth is addicted to hugs, and she hugs everybody. Not being able to hug Vanda has been very hard for us, but especially for Beth. With an amazing amount of gentleness, play, and patience, Beth has taught Vanda how not only to receive hugs, but also to give them. After months of rejection, Vanda is looking deep into Beth’s eyes, embracing her, and connecting to Beth. Vanda will even give me a hug, but only at prayer time and only after making sure Beth get the bigger hugs. That is ok, this journey has just begun, and we are on the right path.
We leave in a few weeks for our third trip to Latvia. We really don’t know what to expect but are sure we will witness God’s hand in it. It may be difficult for Vanda and we do not know the next time she will be able to return to her place of birth, the places and people she has been a part of for 14 years. Your prayers are appreciated.
Each week we can see how God is teaching not only Vanda but us as well, what a family is and more importantly, love. Love is truly the greatest gift God has given us, and we all have much to learn about it.
It has been 11 days since we returned from Latvia. It seems like Vanda has been here much longer. With us hosting her this summer, and our 3 weeks in Latvia, we have become a family is a short amount of time. I think Beth and I are ahead of Vanda in this area as she certainly has the harder part of this adventure; It is hard to comprehend the amount of change she is experiencing. She does not speak much of her feelings, but I do my best to understand and interpret her responses to life’s situations. Looking back, I can see how her time here this summer is much different from her time now, but there are connections. I do think it was one of the many pieces that have helped Vanda with this transition. She grieved while in Latvia but she is happy to be here with us.
Vanda is attending school with me 4 days a week, but it is more like homeschooling. She attends Art, PE, and Technology, and watches Dance. As for many her age, dancing is a bit scary, but the teacher, Sara Keys, is wonderful and Vanda is connecting with the girls. I ‘m still trying to find and understand the resources I need to help her with her core subjects. I feel like I’m getting another crash course in education. Daily she is using an Internet program called Live Mocha. Other than the program runs slowly during the day, it is a good program and is helping Vanda with her English skills. Vanda is doing well with her English, and her vocabulary score is very high. Her biggest struggle is with grammar and forming sentences. We have very few problems in understanding each other with our daily communication.
While we are still figuring out routines and such, Vanda is already an integral part of our family. The other night I found myself sitting at a table with four delightfully giggling girls: Vanda, Sarah, Alyssa, and of course, Beth. I am certainly outnumbered. Lord keep me strong.
I’ve saved the best for last. Today, Spring must have caught Vanda. While we have had temperatures even into the 80’s, Latvia is just reaching into the 40’s. Vanda wanted to go swim in the lake. Yes the lake. It was the highlight of her time she spent with us this past summer. We told her that today the water would be cold, but she is a teenager after all. I am a believer in experiential education so I said sure. She was so excited. For the rest of the story, see the following video.
Vanda has added to the laughter and joy in our home. I was thinking today; we do not pick our biological children, God sends them. In much the same way, we did not choose Vanda, God sent her, and God, the very best Father, knows how to give good gifts.
Tonight I told Vanda it was time to practice her English. We had already had a session this morning and she was reluctant to do more. I then presented her with about 100 (I really should count them) letters from the 7th grade class at her new school, Community School of Davidson. Her eyes grew wide and I told her this stack of papers was for her, from her new classmates. She was amazed and eagerly started reading each and every one. She smiled, and giggled as she read them aloud, Beth helping her with only some of the words. Ohhh, Ahhh she would say as she related to such things as “I like sports”, “I love my Art class”, and “The teachers here are really nice.” At one of the letters, Vanda and Beth were laughing so hard Vanda said her stomach was hurting. The laughter was good and I believe healing, as we have noticed that while Vanda is excited and committed to living with us in America, she is having a hard time with saying goodbye to her friends and family at the foster home. Vanda read aloud in English non-stop for an hour and fifteen minutes. She read until her speech started slurring, but she was determined to read every one of the letters. Vanda even said, “Thank you God” as she read one of the student’s letters. This was a moment to remember.
I am very grateful that God has set it up for Vanda to go to this school. These letters say a lot about the school and its environment. The kids mentioned how the school has an anti-bully policy, how the school is accepting of everyone, how the teachers are fun and good, how the kids enjoy learning, they learn a lot, and how new kids to the school are always treated well. Each letter was full of honest encouragement and genuine interest. I went to the school not for my kids, but because I heard it was the best place to teach. Now I am blessed to have both.
We are enjoying being part of a much larger community. Parenting was never meant to be performed alone.
Kirk, Beth, and Vanda too!
We ended the day with some fun father daughter play.
Today marked our first full week here with Looking back I can see steady growth as we work to knit her into our family. Yes, I did say work. While I had hoped for a vacation, all of us are having to work a bit. Parenting, regardless of the age, requires major effort. There have been tears, rebellion, frustration, fears, and misunderstandings to work through as we learn more of her past, and she learns what to expect from us. And we are not done. We have also seen the importance of teamwork in our marriage and how we must be united to be the parents we are called to be. As friends have reminded us, this is not a sprint, but a marathon, one step at a time, just like all parenting.
Vanda. One week from tomorrow we will leave for the U.S.!
Today was a good day. We met with the orphan court directors in our hotel room just before lunch for about 25 minutes. They walked the 30 minutes (round trip) from their office to the hotel. People here walk everywhere. Yes, there are plenty of cars too, but walking is the norm. Daugavpils turned their main street into a walking street, one of the first cities in the area to do so. Back at our hotel, I introduced Vanda to a typing program today, and she was at it for over 90 minutes. We am seeing that she loves to learn. For our family outing today we went bowling, followed by a trip to our favorite place for dinner, Cili Pica (Chili Pizza). This evening we continued our daily bible reading. This accomplishes many things at once. It is a great family activity, we read aloud, we share thoughts, it strengthens her English skills, and we all gain a greater understanding of the greatest book. Another multipurpose activity we have started is that of journaling. Journaling provides great practice in transferring thoughts into English words, as well as documenting our trip, and giving her practice writing in English.
Vanda is quite social and enjoys talking with her friends, via the many modern communication tools we have surrounded ourselves with. Her treat at the end of the day is to sit in front of the computer connecting with her friends.
We are very thankful for being able to see the growth over the week and for a very teachable spirit Vanda has had all day. She went to bed a very happy girl.
These are words we hear often when talking to Vanda, more often that I would like, but I’m beginning to understand.
It goes something like this….
"How are you today Vanda?"
"Good"
"What are you doing?"
"I don’t know"
"What did you do today?"
"I don’t know"
"Would you like to play a game of checkers?"
"I don’t know"
"What would you like to do with us in Latvia?"
"I don’t know"
This used to really frustrate me as I really want to know and connect with her. After all, she is our daughter. (We are just waiting for the governments of this world to acknowledge this fact.) Why should communication be so hard? We are only talking over 7 time zones, cultural differences, generational differences, and duh, she is a teenager…. We know from experience, sometimes all you get from a teenager living in your own home is, “I don’t know”, let alone one almost halfway around the globe.
When Vanda first returned, we received a few emails. Then we started Skyping with video. Then her camera broke and we just talked via Skype with an occasional phone call. Now we get mostly emoticons, (those assorted smile faces with different expressions. J ) and a bunch of “I don’t knows”. As time passes and we wait and wait, this seems to be more difficult for Vanda. It has been 5 months since she was here.
I am beginning to understand that she really does not know. This adventure we are on is life changing for all of us. She has been an orphan all her life, has very little idea of what life in America is, or what life in school will be, or even being a regular part of our family. She is 14, has many friends and I’m sure has grown accustomed to her life in the foster home for the last 3 years. She also knows, like we do, that while life is good now, her options for a fulfilled life in Latvia are extremely limited as she approaches her 16th birthday, the age at which orphans age out of the system. I can truly say that I don’t know what it’s like to be an orphan all my life. Well that is until I stop and think. I was an orphan, until I became adopted into God’s merciful family. When faced with questions from our heavenly Father, I hear,… Kirk, will you start taking better care of yourself? Kirk, will you love others as I have loved you? Kirk, will you trust me? My response is…………. Uhmmm “I don’t know?” There are so many life lessons to be found in the act of adoption.
We are very thankful for the time we had with Vanda this summer, when we did get the opportunity to connect. She too, remembers our time together, and I believe that is what we all are using to get us through this time of waiting. We often talk of our time together this summer, and I’ve been sharing some of my favorite pictures with her. I even wrote her a poem. “Fond of Vanda.” We had truly hoped we would be traveling January/ February but now it looks like March/ April. Only God knows and we will trust in His timing. Things just work out better when we do.
Speaking of our travel date, we did have a bit of excitement this week. Our friends, who we’ve been going through this adoption with, just received their notice and are traveling the middle of February to pick up their daughter. We are next! This past Thursday, Beth was sick at home, and catching up on email. She read an email from our adoption agency which had the date March 11th!She thought, “It’s our travel date! Yippee! Yahoo!” So Beth excitedly calls me at school, and shares this wonderful news. Wow! My mind starts reeling, a bit in disbelief that this is actually going to happen. I start thinking of who to tell first? My principal, some close teachers who’ve been so supportive of the adoption, who? I decide I need to check the email myself so as to have printed proof to show others. I go to look, and find that the March 11th date is actually -- March 11, 2003 , the date the article of law in Latvia pertaining to adoption was passed. I quickly called back my lovely wife, and suggested she reconsider spreading the news any further. Hmmm, as I’ve been teaching my kids in school, “attention to detail”, is an important skill.
Waiting on a date,
Kirk
One of the adopted
* If you would like to be on our prayer list, let me know. I give regular updates on our progress, as well as the specifics of our needs.
I am sure many of you have the same thought as I: Wow, what a year! Or was it: Whew, what a year?
Over the past few years, Beth’s family has had a fun tradition. Beth’s dad comes up with a variety of topics and everyone submits their predictions. At the end of the year, he awards a prize to the winner. I rarely do very well. My ability to predict the future is extremely limited. Last January, had I attempted to predict what would happen in 2010, I would have been nowhere close.
I think there is a simple reason we can't predict the future -- we are not in charge! That seems plainly clear to me as I look back. I go back to the story of the angel telling Mary what is about to happen to her. It all must have sounded so absurd and scary. So I thought I'd try to write what an angel might have said to me last January.
Your family will grow. (Go on, tell me more)
You will meet a girl and she will capture your heart. (Sounds like trouble)
You will become more united with your wife. (How does this fit with the previous?)
Your relationship with your children will grow.
You will become a full time teacher and have your own classroom before finishing your degree (What happened to one step at a time?)
You will face new challenges. (I'm not so sure I'm done with my current challenges)
You will be called to a new church. (I’m listening)
You will attend funerals and weddings. (Do I get to pick?)
You will learn to get by on less sleep and do more. (Not again)
You will have to document your life and present it to people in strange lands. (huh?)
You will learn more of the needs of God's children around the world.
You and your wife will raise more than $15,000 for a very worthy cause. (You are kidding me, right? I don't do fundraising, remember?)
You will be challenged to do more than you think can be done.
Had I been presented with the above, I don't think I would have responded as well as Mary and Joseph did with their amazing news. Instead, I likely would have annoyed the messenger with my questions and comments and received some sort of curse. Then I would have fallen into worry and despair. How is this all possible? I'm already doing as much as I can. (Do angels ever say you are going sailing to a beach in the Caribbean?)
While I may still try to foresee what the future holds, sometimes it is really better to not know. Looking back, I don’t see where I would change anything! It’s all good.
Do yourself a favor and never try to tell God you are doing as much as you can. He will reply, "My grace is sufficient for you,” and He will prove you wrong.
I sometimes wonder if there is anything I should not be doing, but it is all good, so I will keep at it, trying my best to do what I’ve been called to do. So let the adventures continue! I look forward to sharing more adventures with you in this new year, new decade!
We are waiting for an invitation from Latvia. We are told this may take some time. Good thing I'm not in charge :-)
Kirk
If you would like to be on our prayer list, let me know. I give regular updates on our progress, as well as the specifics of our needs.
So what does one do while sitting in a car in the cold rain, waiting on documents to be processed? I know I’ll share our adventure with our faithful friends.
We have had a lot happen in the last couple weeks. While school is winding down for the year, (happy dance) a lot is happing with our adoption. Last week we had a great time at a fundraiser at the Friendly’s in Huntersville. The owners, in conjunction with our church youth group, set up a family night event with 10% of the evening profits to go to our adoption. It was fun to talk to people and introduce Vanda via a movie of pictures projected on a sheet that our youth pastor had set up. We all had fun, and the place was full all evening! Well up until Alyssa had too much fun, (Yes there is such a thing) and after dropping her ice cream, started crying. She then progressed to coughing, which was followed by her showing us her dinner, all her dinner -- all over the floor. Fortunately, most of it landed on a carpet, which the staff, quickly rolled up and moved outside. Despite the ending, we were encouraged by so many who wanted to show their support for Vanda. Our hope is that this youth group will become part of Vanda's support structure here.
At this point, we were hopeful to receive notice from Latvia before Christmas. Well, that did not last long. Due to the fingerprinting escapade we thought I was going to have to run to Raleigh to get it certified, and we were scrambling to see if it all could be done in less than 24 hours to get it to a family leaving for Latvia. Well, as we resigned that it was not going to happen, we receive an email, saying a scanned copy would suffice for now and we could just mail the document for certification in Raleigh. All right! We are on track again, or so we thought.
A few days later, we get another email saying requirements have changed, and we need to send three apostilled certified copies of our divorce documents, per divorce, to Latvia as soon as possible as our paperwork is now waiting on it….Great, another ASAP, jump through hoops as fast as we can trick. Are we part of a political circus act or what?
So -- Beth was able to get to the courthouse to get our copies, and I made plans to take off Thursday to Drive to Raleigh. Then we would have to overnight the documents to get them to a couple in Buffalo NY who are leaving Friday Noon. Nothing like a little excitement to get the heart a pumping.
Speaking of Buffalo, It only gets better. The weather forecast was for snow, sleet, and freezing rain. (I can't decide which of these I like more.) I leave the house at 5 am and get to experience all the above weather. Returning to days gone by of living up North, I try to remember what was required when driving in such nasty stuff. Let me see, something to do with brakes…. I am thankful for a nice invention (since those days of old when we had to pump brakes) of anti-lock brakes. Yes, I had opportunity to test them, and they worked great, because at times I was driving on a thin sheet of ice. Weeeee look mom, no brakes. (I'm ok mom, I'm not writing this from the hospital.) At one point in the pre-dawn morning, I saw a car in my rear view mirror swerve, and then smoothly, slid off the road and then came to a sudden stop in the grass. Not what the driver planned on for the morning, I’m sure. The police were busy this morning. After about 2.5 hours of this fun, I stopped at a gas station to de-ice my wipers. There was more ice than wiper, and for some reason, they were not working well. Now to continue with the journey.
Many of you know I am directionally impaired and require such things as a map or in these days, a GPS to get anywhere. I had my phone in GPS mode when it decided it had enough fun as well. Turns out my car charger was not able to keep up with the demands of my phone, and the battery died. Yikes, I’m driving on ice and don’t know where I’m going. Yee - hah. (Perhaps I need to invest in homing pigeons.) I knew I should have printed out those directions. I continue on, trying to remember the way, while I try to coax my phone to accept a few electrons and charge. At the last moment it came on and told me to take the next right. Ahh, there the place is.
It is 9:15, I drop off the papers, and then call my wife. Beth answers and says, “I thought you were going to call when you got there.” I answer, "that is what I’m doing; a mere 4 hours after leaving, I have arrived." Now I have to wait until 1:30 and find a place to overnight the documents. A simple task for a directionally impaired paperwork road warrior. The ride back promises to be less of an adventure, as the freezing rain has turned to a cold wet rain.
Even after all this effort, we did not get our documents to the Family leaving for Latvia on Friday. UPS "overlooked" our package which was scheduled for a guaranteed 10:30 delivery in Buffalo. This resulted in me spending a couple of hours emailing, phone calling, and waiting with UPS and others to find the package and determine a course of action. At this point they have agreed to send the documents to Latvia. It won't leave until Monday as they needed various approvals as I insisted they were to pay the cost of getting it there. The agent I was working with asked me what to do if there is an extra cost associated with sending the package. My response was to have them talk to me (the unhappy customer). She said that department did not like talking to the customers,only the agents. I said, "fine, then just get the package there."
It would seem that sometimes we need to fight for our children. In this case, I was fighting with phone, email and paper.
Like all good and worthy adventures, we are growing because of it. God truly provides, both the challenges we need to grow and the means to go through them. I am very thankful, a bit tired, but thankful.
As we approach the Christmas holiday, we all think of our kids. While Vanda is not officially our child, our hearts do not know that and they beat for joy when we hear her sweet voice.Just like our other children, we love learning about what is going on in their lives, and being a part of their growing process. We just have two small issues of her being so far away and speaking another language. I am convinced that it is love which bridges the gap. Love is such an amazing thing, a miracle in and of itself. I can’t explain it, let alone understand it.
So how do we send love to a child who is over 4000 miles away, in a different language and culture? This is new territory for us. This week during one of our Skype conversations together we drew this picture. While neither Beth nor I claim to be an artist, it is something fun we can do with Vanda that helps cross the divide of miles and language. We have been thinking of what we can send to Vanda for Christmas. So what do you give someone who has nothing? While Vanda does have some possessions, they all can fit into a small backpack; such is the life of an orphan. I’ve thought about that this week, and how different life is for us having grown up with a family in the USA. As a child, I had “my” room, clothes, toys, etc. I doubt I will ever fully understand the life of an orphan but I am learning.
Many of you have commented on how you like being a part of our adventure through this blog. I am glad as this adventure is far too big not to share, and it is much more than the money. It is a journey of education and an exploration into the depths of love, compassion, commitment, and sharing of relationships. Your prayers and comments encourage us greatly in this process. As we progress through the paperwork jungle, I am realizing that the waiting process may be harder on us than it is on Vanda.
We have had a minor delay in the process with Beth’s fingers. It would seem she is well suited to be a thief. (Who would have thought this?) She has no printable fingerprints as her fingers are too smooth. As a result, she has had to go to Charlotte twice, get two rejection letters from Texas, and spend an hour at the Davidson police station getting a letter saying they have no record of her being a criminal. The good news is, as of Thursday, we have been approved! Now we are waiting, (there’s that waiting thing again) for the official letter, and will have to take it to Raleigh to get an apostille so it can be sent to Latvia. Our hope is to be able to send it with another family who is traveling to Latvia instead of paying DHL $120 to take it. Sometimes I wonder why there are so many barriers, but I am reminded that to be a good parent, (or even a husband for that matter), we have to be committed, regardless of the barriers. In doing so our love is strengthened and God is glorified.
Speaking of things outside our control, our fundraising is going well. it seems every day someone asks if they can help in both big and small ways. One of the big ways people are helping is where we have had people offering to organize fundraisers for us. (It must be obvious, this is not our gift.) Our most recent is the Family Night at Friendly’s.What is better than it being a fundraiser, is it is an opportunity to for the youth to start to connect to with Vanda. We hope this group to become one of Vanda’s support groups as she transitions to life in America. One of the kids in the group was also adopted from East Europe as a teenager.
We feel a great sense of community and we share this adventure with our friends and family.
Each of the obstacles we face, I am certain, will serve as a tool for growth for us and for Vanda. Just as a spring flower struggles against the dirt and eventually breaks through to reveal its regal petals, this journey will be the start of helping a Vanda come into the sunlight of her life and in the process our roots will grow deeper.
As one our required documents for an application we had to write up an adoption testimony. I thought I'd share it with those who are interested.
God has been actively involved in bringing Vanda Anna and us together for many years. We appreciate your willingness to be a part of His plan. Over the last five or so years, God has been stirring in our hearts, to know more about adoption. The words of James 1:27 kept coming to mind. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (New International Version).
Two years ago, Latvia was looking at reducing funding for foster care. New Horizons for Children started including these foster homes in their listing of children for hosting. Vanda Anna was one of those selected. She had been in the home for just two years. Before that, she had been in an orphanage since the age of two. She came to the U.S.A. for the summer of 2009 and had a positive experience, but was not adopted.
At the start of this year, we found Life Fellowship, which has an active and growing orphan ministry. It was here we found out about New Horizons for Children, (NHFC) a hosting ministry for children of Eastern Europe. We also met and got too know others in the church who had both hosted and then adopted, because of this ministry.
Unknown to us until recently, we discovered that God had been at work in an interesting way: in February, when the NHFC Summer Hosting Program was introduced to Lake Norman Baptist Church, the pastor’s wife at that church randomly picked up pictures of two orphans from a pile of hundreds of orphans. She committed to pray for these two orphan girls, since she and her husband would not be able to host an orphan this year. Those two girls turned out to be Vanda and Viktorija, both from Latvia: Vanda now to be adopted by us, and Viktorija to be adopted by our newly made friends this summer, Mike and Julie VanHoy of Lake Norman Baptist Church. Little did we know that God had woven our lives together back in February, and we would not meet until June 30th, the night the girls arrived from Latvia.Their blog is linked as a favorite of this blog.
Starting in May, we began looking at the hundreds of pictures of orphans NHFC was actively seeking homes for the summer. It took some time and prayer, but both of us selected Vanda Anna as a child we wanted to host for the summer. After much anticipation and excitement on both sides, on June 26, 2010, Vanda Anna arrived to stay with us for 5 weeks. Each day we grew to love her more and more. By the second week, we were talking of adoption. By the third week, we were ready to commit.
We sent her back to Latvia on August 1, 2010. This was hard, but all of us hung on to the hope that we would soon be reunited. Since then, we have been in regular communication with Vanda since thanks to email, Skype and the telephone. Both Vanda and our family are very excited, and we wait for the day she can become part of our forever family.
Since August 1st, we have been working to bring our girl here as soon as possible. This whole journey has been about God’s amazing love, and His desire for us to share that love with others. His love is true sacrificial love, and through Jesus, he has shown us how to love others. We are adopted into His kingdom and He has called us to adopt Vanda into our home where the greatest gift we can offer our children is sharing the love of Christ in a way in which they too may accept the Father’s love and become adopted into the family of God.
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